Motherhood... by Chris

Do you believe in love at first sight?? I do! And it happened to me four times!! With the birth of each of my four children!!! I felt them grow in me while I was pregnant, and I loved them and nurtured them for 9 months, but the minute that the doctor laid each of my babies, every single one of them, on my belly and then into my arms, I fell instantly and madly in love with each one!! I fell hard and I have continued to fall in love with them!! But lately I find myself crying all the time!! Mostly tears of joy, some of sadness! I feel time is slipping away from me and it's taking my kids with it! And I don't like it! But I love being a mom!! I tend to be a helicopter mom and "hover" over my children!! Making sure things are done just right or they don't get hurt!! A couple of years ago Justin, my oldest, was about 14, said something to me that hit me like a brick...he loved to fish and he and a few friends wanted to go fishing by themselves on the river! Well I started grilling him on everything from not getting to close to the bank to what he would do if he or one of his friends fell in, who would call 911, and on and on!! When he said..."Mom, you have taught me all I need to know to be safe! Will you just let me go and have faith and trust me?" He was right!! I had taught him all he needed to know and I needed to let go, have faith, and trust him! But I guess that is where my biggest struggle is coming from right now...when they were little they needed me for everything but as they grow they don't need mommy as much! My dear sweet hubby reassures me they will always need me and I guess that's what you want them to do....leave home and become success adults, but even as I write this it's going to be hard for me, I will cry, but my tears will be happy and sad at the same time!! Can sadness and happiness exist at the same time? Probably not, but I think for a mom they do! Because with every step each of my children take whether it's my baby girl WANTING to ride the bus home from kindergarten, makes me so happy because she has struggled at times with anxiety about new things, to when my 15 year old got his license....such happy, simple things that we all celebrated and journaled, but as I would climb into bed at night after these special days, my heart would feel sad that they have reached those happy moments so fast!!! At the beginning of each new year I know some people pick a word to try and live by and focus on for the upcoming year! This year I picked the word "PRESENT"! My reason for picking this word is that by being "PRESENT" in every moment, right as each one takes place, no how matter small, and really remembering and journaling each event, so I can look back and smile and continue to have those special times with me forever!!! Now sometimes this is a very hard thing for me to do with sporting events, dance, school activities, taking care of the house, I feel like I just go, go, go, and get caught up in getting the house clean and the million others things I have to do...but like President Monson says, "Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future…If you are still in the process of raising children be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled, will disappear all too soon, and that you will, to your surprise, miss them, profoundly." The laundry and dishes will always be there, but my babies won't! I have just a few short years with them to teach them, nurture them, and prepare them! The won't remember how clean our toilets were but they will remember summer picnics, late night talks, walks, bike rides, and lots of hugs and kisses that I give them every chance I get!! Even my teenage boys who are 5'9" and 6'3" and my two little dollies! I am honored to be a mother, to be their mother, and I will continue to be happy and sad at the same time and try to live and be "PRESENT" in every waking moment!!