Motherhood....by Jamie

Being a mother is one of those things that almost every little girl dreams about being one day….how many kids you’ll have, if they’ll be boys or girls, what you’ll name them, etc. As a child though, you never imagine NOT being able to be a mother or have troubles getting pregnant. This has been the biggest trial in my life, thus far, and could quite possibly follow me throughout the rest of my life. Here is a glimpse into my journey of being a mother……..
After my husband and I were married for about 9 months we decided to start “trying” to get pregnant…..you can imagine the excitement of both of us. We figured it might take a few months for us to get pregnant, but as the months grew to a year, we feared there might be something wrong. Each month became a constant and painful reminder of what I didn’t have, and wanted so badly. Every pregnant girl I saw, I ached and longed.
After a lot of testing, and medications for me, doctors discovered the problem lay with my husband. The Dr.’s said we have about a 4% chance of conceiving on our own….slim to none. At this point we had been trying for about 4 years. SO, we tried Artificial Insemination three times, but had no luck. We thought and prayed about what our next step was. We both felt that we should try everything WE could do first (medically), and then we would try adoption. We decided to try Invetro. We could only afford to try one time, so we hoped the little guys would stick! After I was implanted with the fertilized eggs (3 in all….they were the only good ones of like 16!), I just couldn’t bring myself to take a pregnancy test…..I was too scared of the outcome. So I patiently (or impatiently!) waited for my blood test a few weeks later. The results were amazing…I was pregnant!!!! We were on cloud nine!
Our first appointment came in which we would be able to see how many of 3 embryos took, and see our baby’s heartbeat. As the Dr. was looking I waited anxiously for him to show us the little heartbeat(s), but as time grew I knew something was wrong. Then finally he said, “Here is the sac and the pregnancy tissue, but there is no baby”, rather coldly, and matter of fact. My chest tightened, and I felt like someone kicked all the air out of me. Then my heart literally ached, as I completely fell apart on the table. After getting another ultrasound they discovered I had a “Molar Pregnancy”, which is when there is no baby, but there is placenta, and your body acts like its pregnant... all the symptoms and everything. I was about 7 weeks along. I was scheduled for a D & C a few days later, but ended up passing it myself a day or so later.
This was my rock bottom.
Anger and sorrow was all I could see for a couple months after. I felt like someone had played the biggest, most cruel joke on me ever….and I fell for it. A few months after everything, we prayed and decided that we should start the long journey of doing our paperwork for adoption. I was a little nervous about going this route though just because I felt like I still needed to mourn, but we pushed through, and it became easier.
We finished all our paperwork, and were now waiting to get our letter from the state saying we are certified to Adopt in Arizona. One Saturday night in August (about 6 months after miscarriage), I get a call from my employer….strange I thought, him calling on a Saturday night. He told me that a woman called him, and said she had heard that a girl that works for him is looking to adopt (ME!!!). My heart dropped…is this it?! She said she has a 17 year old daughter who is pregnant and placing for adoption, but hasn’t found a couple she liked yet. She gave him her email address and asked him if he would have us send some info!!! The biggest part of the news was that she was being induced in 4 weeks!!!!! Crazy! We were ecstatic and panicky all at the same time! To make an even longer story short, the birth mother discovered we lived in the same town, and that made her nervous. So she chose another couple….What?! I broke down…..I had such a good feeling about her, how could this be? BUT I had a good cry, and pushed it away.
A few weeks later, the adoption agency called us, and said the girl, Jessica, broke it off with the other couple, and had been thinking about us a lot. So that night we met….keep in mind, she is getting induced in 4 days now!!!! It went fabulous! We met with her and her boyfriend for dinner a day later, but still they hadn’t told us they’d chosen us…we were getting anxious. FINALLY two nights before she was induced, they wrote us the best email we’ve ever gotten….they had chosen us to be the parents of their baby girl!!! You can only imagine the flood of joy and excitement we had….we called all our family and broke the big news, and it was amazing! Now for the amazing part, at least to me…When I had gotten pregnant through Invetro, I was given my “due date”, of September 3rd. Well, this was the exact day the birth parents chose us to be parents of their baby! The Lord works in mysterious ways!
Two days later we brought home our new baby girl, Braelyn Hazel, and I became a mother for the first time! She was 100% supposed to be in our family, and I was meant to be her mom. P.S. we got our certification letter a day after we got our sweet little girl…just in the nick of time! Six months after we took her home, it was made official by the state. Then we were able to be sealed in the Mesa, AZ temple on July 25th for all time and eternity….absolutely priceless.
It will be 2 years in September since I have become a mom, and it is better than I could have ever imagined. Just adopting my little girl made all the pain and suffering I went through (my “labor”...he he) totally worth it. It is still SO hard and heartbreaking to have not been able to get pregnant still, but I know much better now that there is a plan for me if I’ll just endure and have faith. I feel like since it took me so long to become a mother I have a greater appreciation for it, and might not have gotten that appreciation any other way. Motherhood has its ups and downs, but I am forever grateful to be a mom.

Jamie

WE ARE ADOPTING AGAIN!!! PLEASE CHECK OUT OUR PROFILE AND SEND IT ON TO ANYONE INTERESTED!!!
THANKS! THE LINK IS:
https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/23789638/ourMessage.jsf