Motherhood... by Maurita

I have been a mom since the year 2000. I was given a beautiful Angel for a moment of time to care for her and love her the best I knew how. Taylor was diagnosed with a terminal illness 1 year into her short life and the news was devastating, but we had no time to waste in giving her the life she deserved while she was here with us. She was the teacher and I was the student. Her huge spirit was trapped inside a beautiful body that was limited by the disease, but she was truly my hero. My hero, because she taught me how to love, how to step outside of the norm no matter what else and endure, how to give you what life has for you and be optimistic and at peace.
I know Heavenly Father gave me an Angel to prepare me for my boys :).
I am a better mom to them because gave me her spirit of love, understanding, and patience.

I think of her everyday. It hurts sometimes. The hurt just comes from wanting to hold her and smell her again and to feel her giant spirit around me again. But I do, I feel her around. I know she sees me with the boys and is proud of me and is cheering me on.
There is an emptiness to losing a child. It will always be there, because they were there in your physical life with you. I know life here on earth is but a fleeting moment of time and I will see her soon again, but she is still gone and I long to see her and hold her and love on her like I did for 6 years of this life.

When you are a woman and a mother I think we are given a unique gift. A gift that can't ever be described in words, but it has something to do with feeling, hearing, protecting, nurturing, acting with a deeper level of emotion.
I turned into this Warrior woman with Taylor. Nothing could bring us down, not even the disease. The Doctors gave her 2-7 years and she was 2 months shy of her 6th Birthday. We were little warriors together fighting against the earthly ailments that were upon her. Today I fight with my 3 other little warriors, and I fear, even though Taylor endured a physical fight, my boys will face more of a spiritual fight. Which make it my fight with them too. I give them the tools to make it more bearable. It's the little things we teach them like the power of our example and how we treat them.
At times I get down on myself, like we all do. Why do we do that? It's not fair to us. Why do we compare ourselves to other moms or women and say we are not doing enough or feel "less than" because of what the other women do or accomplishes.
I am really trying to see what I can learn from them and apply what works for me in my life. The moms that I meet have so many good qualities and when you focus on yours as well, you learn that nobody has it "all" together. We are all on the same path of life trying to live it as best we can and why not do it together as moms and women.
I married a gorgeous Army man. With the job, comes the deployments. We had a deployment this last year and it was truly the hardest thing I have done.
I was pregnant, had the baby, took care of 2 toddlers, the house, the yard, the bills, and more.... oh and me. It was so lonely. I missed my best friend and husband. There is an emptiness you feel, kind of like losing a loved one, but you can still have communications with them. It's heartbreaking to tell a toddler why daddy isn't going to be in his life for one whole year. I had to be the mom and the dad and at times it was exhausting.
There are plenty of amazing women that endure the Army wife life. I have learned a whole lot from these women and have learned more about me in the process.
We are all in charge of our own destiny, salvation, what have you, and it is up to us to make the most of it or least of it.
I am making the most of what life deals me.
We learn from each other and should lean on our friends more. It's good for the soul to keep relationships alive.
May you all have a wonderful Mother's day. Look at your children and see them for who they are going to be one day and be excited... because with your influence, they will move mountains. Love yourself more everyday for who you really are.

Maurita Lanoue